How to Make Friends and Influence People.

I’ve been looking for advice on alternatives to ‘hey how’re you doing?’ for initiating first contact on dating sites. A quick Google search turned up a wealth of advice but most of it seemed to be aimed at men. Pages offering wisdom on ‘how to keep her listening’, which mainly suggested things I’d list under common sense anyway. Not as much, however, on ‘how to talk to him’ or ‘how to keep him listening’ for the female of the species. Most of the blogs and articles I read seem to assume only men make the first move on dating sites. Yet, depending on the site this has not been my experience. Nor do I think it should be that way.

On Zoosk, for example, there seems to be a large number of guys who tend to be very much the, ‘have a go type’. Most of the time they seem to ignore anything written in a profile and go with a simple, standard ‘how’s it going?’ or ‘hello beautiful’. I suspect they send a wink or a quick message to pretty much anyone in their set radius, no doubt expecting 90% of the recipients to ignore them, therefore the more messages they send out the higher the chance of at least one or two responding.

With Match or The Guardian I found there was a general reticence. Very few men seemed willing to talk first. If I made contact then they’d respond, but only one or two actually approached me. Being as I never know what to say (unless in familiar company and then I suspect some might say I never know when to stop talking) I kind of rely on someone else making the first move.

Of course, I’m aware that shouldn’t be the case. My social awkwardness, which holds me back from saying anything more creative than ‘hey how’s things?’ is a big problem. Not only that but even if I manage that much, I usually have no idea what to say next. I have serious issues with keeping the conversation going when talking to a complete stranger. Therefore I’m destined to always relying on the other person to do all the work.

Hence the search for one liners, icebreakers and general advice on how to talk to people. I’m pretty sure I’m not alone so why is there so little initial contact advice out there for women? Especially considering men don’t always make first contact, and nor should they!


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