I’m putting myself on official brain rest. Officially. It’ll be kinda like bed rest but without the being in bed part. For the brain. It doesn’t mean no thinking, obviously, there are certain thought patterns I need to survive and daily decisions I need to make in order to not get fired from my job (although it is sometimes tempting…) What it means is cutting everything but the most necessary things loose. Therefore, the thinking that goes into blogging or working on my book or planning long-term plans or even, to a certain extent, book marking is, as best as I can, banned. No stress about not doing it, because I’m not allowed. No beating myself up for a bit of much needed Netflix and chill, because it is just that, much needed. If I don’t I’m going to lose the tiny hold I have left on my brain and it is going to careen off goodness knows where. So it is currently locked down.
Is this going to work? Can I keep my unruly brain corralled and the enemy inside quiet enough to get my shit together so that I can, once again, cope? I honestly don’t know. What I do know is, after running out on a lesson yesterday to lock myself in the toilets for a cry (something I haven’t done since I was a very green supply teacher more than ten years ago), I cannot go on like this. Everything that happens around me brings me down. The children don’t listen, not because they are children but because I have no control over them. The spreadsheet my head of faculty has to remind me to fill in isn’t one more straw of pointless administration but instead an example of how crap I am at my job that I can’t even churn out pointless data. The resources my trainee colleague has created, not impressive and useful but, rather, another sign that I am over the hill and on my way to rubbishville. I can’t take a great deal more of this and, with only a handful of days to go before Easter break it is time for damage control. After this, no book, no blog, no anything other than some lovely Yin yoga, running (because it is my life) and plenty of down time.
If anyone wants me I’ll be doing my very best sofa-based burrito impression. See you on the other side bitches!