I really feel that this isn’t going to be so good as I’ve been trying to sit down and write it for a few days and, somehow, things keep cropping up. Not really urgent things or essential, must-do life things, but fart about on Twitter, drive to the parents house for no reason (and then make something up when I get there so it seems like I have many things to do because I am so busy and that’s why I’m not writing) things. I’ve stopped doing all the good practices I was doing before the holidays, partly because Summer and then, recently, because I got afraid of doing them. This is a ridiculous thing I do where I fall out of the habit of something, meditation for example, and then, even when I can feel the benefits slipping away, find a reason to keep on not doing it. It’s self-destructive of me and it’s a trait I have to constantly battle with.
Still, it’s not been all bad. We completed Tough Mudder in just over 4 hours. It was gruelling and, for some of us, emotional but it was fun. A whole lot more fun that the first time I did it. I’m hoping August 2017 will be even more so. Yep, that’s right, 2017 as in next year, as in were doing it again, as in we’ve already signed up and are now persuading others to join the madness. Nanageddon conquered most of Tough Mudder South West and it shall return to conquer again!
The flip side to this has been a training break, which was starting to turn into a training embargo. However, I still managed to get myself to Army Circuits last Thursday and I’ve started Yoga with Adriene again. I even dragged myself out for a 5k run this morning. The Circuits nearly did for me, I spent two days in agony, barely able to walk, and my 5k today was 38 minutes but I did it. More importantly, I did it and it felt really good, and I earn another medal towards my goal. In the week and a bit since Tough Mudder I had forgotten that, or at least I’d not let myself remember how much I love running and yoga, because fear.
I’m not completely back into the habit of meditation but I’m slowly fitting that back in. With the house purchase and returning to work, my stress levels are already causing occasional meltdowns, which are very not helpful. I’m also not sleeping. I’m lucky to have amazing parents who have stepped in and dealt with house stuff as and when but, I am an adult, I can’t keep running off to eat burritos in Norwich (even if they are really, really good burritos) while Dad talks to the vendor or the solicitors or the estate agents. They certainly wouldn’t be able to step into my teacher shoes if I wobbled and went AWOL instead of taking a class. Nope, I need to find my balance again, and that means meditating.
For the rest, this is the first writing I’ve done in about six weeks. Book 2 edit is finished, proof-reading done, I just need to check the corrections and then move towards cover art and printing. Teaching starts again tomorrow and this is the first year I’m not stressing to make improvements or changes I won’t stick to and then beat myself up about. I’m actually excited about it. This is new. It’s good.
All in all, I’ve slipped a little through lack of effort but I had a holiday and took a well-deserved break. I’m ready to get back in the saddle and smash out the rest of the year with an A+. I’m happy with that and, you know what, that’s what really counts.